


/fear/

by eithne (campingzone)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Ignorance of Feelings, Insecurities, M/M, Taeyong is an angel, hyuck is insecure, mark does it because he's scared of hyuck's reaction, mark ignores donghyuck n hyuck gets sad, protective dad johnny, taeyong is amazing, they both cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 04:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20419802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/campingzone/pseuds/eithne
Summary: and that, wonderful readers, is how donghyuck ended up running out the practice room door, sobbing himself stupid and hoping that one of the receptionists would be on his side. the second he'd started running, he'd heard mark swear so loud it nearly deafened him, and then the older was calling his name, footsteps running behind him. he heard johnny's rather irritated voice call /mark's/ name, but the guy continued to sprint behind him, shouting his name terrifyingly close.he wasn't having a very good day. donghyuck just wants to be happy again.





	/fear/

donghyuck, to be perfectly honest with you, was fed up.

how hard was it for the guy to just get a hug? a kiss on the cheek? hell, he'd probably kill just for their /knees/ to brush. it wasn't a lot of effort - all mark had to do was hold his hand for a minute, or wrap his arm around his shoulder, or press their ankles together, and donghyuck would be ecstatic ALL DAY. he'd giggle and blush about it, and he'd think about it before he went to sleep, and he'd fawn over it for the next week. but /no/ - mark had to make it clear that he oh-so-obviously thought that donghyuck was annoying, and that he didn't like affection, and all that other bullshit that almost drove the younger to tears.

what mark didn't understand - as donghyuck's best friend - is that lee donghyuck is a very, very touch driven individual. he was very affectionate, however irritating, and most of the time all he wanted was a side hug or a pinkie wrapped around his own. and whilst mark knew this, he didn't actually want to participate in it, finding it 'weird' recently or whatever the hell. to make it even stranger - he'd been MORE than willing to hold donghyuck's hand and cuddle with him about a month ago.

however, august 7th, that apparently changed. and now, for 21 entire days, three WHOLE weeks, donghyuck had been left in the dark, effectively ignored every single day for THREE WHOLE WEEKS! he was going absolutely insane and was basically on the brink of committing cold blooded murder, his hands shaking with a mix of annoyance and...

well.  
sadness, really.

mark was his best friend [and crush], and so this sudden lack of affection, communication, or /anything/ between them was... really getting to him. he didn't show it, but donghyuck was genuinely a rather sensitive individual, and found it pretty hard to accept the fact that maybe mark didn't want to be his friend anymore, or whatever the hell this was about. he'd constantly been using the excuses 'i'm busy, donghyuck.' or 'not now, donghyuck.' or 'why won't you go away for once, donghyuck?' for said past three weeks, and every time, the younger could never tell if mark saw the way he got a little paler, and the way his eyes got strangely glossy.

donghyuck's self esteem was usually quite high. he knew he was funny, he knew he was attractive, and he considered himself a very enjoyable person to be around. but now that mark was flat out ignoring him, and actually, actively /avoiding/ him and literally telling him to /go away/, he wasn't so sure about that any more.

was it his... his loudness? was he too loud? was- had he gotten uglier? was he not funny enough? was he embarrassing to be around- oh god, was he embarrassing?

all these thoughts had flood through his mind the second he looked in his bathroom mirror, subconsciously sucking his stomach in and trying to make himself look smaller. maybe mark thought that he took the spotlight too much? he'd be more than willing to let mark speak for him if he wanted... or maybe he was embarrassed about donghyuck? he must be - that must be it, right? why else would he be ignoring him?  
ok. so what about him was embarrassing? was he getting a little too...

uhhh. squishy?

he laughed at himself, ignoring the crack in his voice, and ignoring the way that he... wasn't laughing.

his 'laughter' had drowned out to hiccups, and then hiccups had turned to tears. tears had turned to sobbing, and sobbing had turned into curling up on the floor in front of the mirror, pulling his hoodie over as much of his body as he could. mark was embarrassed by him! because he was too annoying, too clingy, too-

oh god, he was too clingy. did that mean all of the others thought he was annoying too? is that why they'd been kind of weird around him lately? or was that just him? had he been dreaming that? ha, he wished..  
maybe mark had told them to stop talking to him..

no. why was he assuming such bad things about his best friend? he wouldn't do that, not to donghyuck. he didn't think donghyuck was annoying! surely. he was telling him he loved him only... only a month ago...

he was talking out loud. he'd only just realised, the sound of his own voice rattling through the bathroom. he sobbed into the collar of the hoodie he'd pulled up to hide himself, running one of his hands through his hair but stopping halfway through to just... grip at it, wondering if maybe his hair was what was embarrassing mark from being around him. or maybe it was his skin? should he wear lighter foundation?  
no, but mark always said he preferred him bare skinned... had his opinion changed? and he was too awkward to say it? it did sound like a mark thing to do...

jesus christ. what time was it? he probably had practice soon.

he laughed, but, dryly.

great. just what he needed. being in a room, surrounded by people who don't want to look at him, and by /mark/, who was probably going to-

god, what a shitty day.

\------

as expected, practice went awful. and by awful, he meant awful to the point where he was currently running right now. like, literally running. running /away/ from the practice room, where he could hear mark shouting his name behind him, but it was drowned out by the sound of his feet slamming against the floor, hiccuped gasped coming from his throat.

let him explain. it'll make sense in a minute.

so, basically. he'd gotten to the practice room, not looking so great, but passable. he got weird looks for still wearing his hoodie and unusually loose joggers [donghyuck was usually very confident in his body, and often wore tight fit things, hence everyone's surprise], but he passed, and no one really asked any questions.  
well, no one talked to him, full stop. but, that was better than people poking questions at him about such a topic. if anyone had asked why his eyes were a little puffy and why his lips looked swollen, that probably would've been the end for him, because it's not like he had any form of excuse ready. maybe he could've said he was watching a sad video or something, but they all knew donghyuck wasn't one to cry at videos or movies, so basically, he would've been fucked right up the ass.

thankfully, he wasn't. everyone had stayed quiet - specifically only to him - and just moved on, flicking the first song on.

now, this song /would've/ been fine. it /could've/ gone ok. maybe donghyuck wouldn't have gotten hurt within the first 5 minutes. however, when it came to his part of the choreography [for one of their new songs; yet to be released], he had to reach out and put his hand on mark's shoulder, and mark had to put his hand on donghyuck's other shoulder. this /nearly/ went smoothly, until mark backed up completely when he went to reach out for him, and didn't even bother lifting his arm to complete his bit of the choreography.

donghuyuck's heart shattered a little, but he just took a deep breath, trying to blink away the sudden heat in his eyes. it worked [no it didn't], to an extent, and they continued till the end of the choreography, their breaths heavy and dedicated.

"good work, everyone!" taeyong's wonderful, comforting voice rang out. everyone got a little flustered [as you would, if lee taeyong complimented you,] but eventually recovered, smiling proudly to themselves.  
donghyuck's minimal smile didn't last long - as predicted. everything just seemed to be against him today.

"just- hyuck?" he called out, aaaand there went his heart, adrenaline shooting through his body. he didn't miss the way taeyong's eyes narrowed on the shake in his legs.  
"are you feeling alright? you're pale, you know. and you moved a little slow - is something on your mind? i don't mind about the quality of your dancing; if you're not feeling very well, you can go lie down and i'll tell the managers..."

donghyuck felt a pair of hands slide under his jaw, and he immediately closed his eyes as his head was lifted up a little, taeyong clearly trying to read his expression. thank god no one else was paying attention, because the elder's thumb brushed across his cheek, wiping a stray tear away that he hadn't managed to blink off.  
"haechannie." taeyong whispered, sounding sad. slowly, donghyuck's bloodshot eyes opened, and the older pouted, giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead. with that being the only bit of affection he'd gotten in a month, he choked a little, trying to swallow the sudden onslaught of emotions. "is this about you and mark?"

so it /wasn't/ just him who had noticed it.

"no." he lied, still, straight through his teeth. "i just feel a bit sick, and my stomach's killing me, hyung. it's alright - i took some painkillers, they'll kick in in a minute."

taeyong, bless his heart, just pouted again, before nodding, letting his hands slide away from the maknae's face. donghyuck smiled as best he could, watching as their leader clapped his hands to get everyone's attention. the next song came on, and the youngest seemed relieved, having immediately recognised it as one where he didn't have to spend... basically /any/ time near mark. taeyong must've noticed, because he grinned at him, motioning to the mirror.

"from the top. 3, 2, 1,"

and, they began. for the first minute or so, it went smoothly. everyone seemed to remember what they were doing, and nothing happened. donghyuck could've borderline said that he was proud of everyone for having remembered this so well.

borderline, because, haha.... yeah. he didn't remember it past a certain point.

they had all gone to move to different positions, and donghyuck, the poor baby, seemed lost. he tried to wrack his brain for where the hell he was meant to be standing, his body still trying to dance along to the beat. he made a slightly distressed noise, revelling in the fact that jaehyun laughed /with/ him rather than /at/ him. he still didn't quite know where he was meant to be though, and he considered asking to stop just to check.

that was, until, a pair of hands shoved him with such force that he slammed down against the floor, his arms aching as he just barely caught himself on his hands. the pain wrung all the way up to his shoulders, and abruptly, the music stopped, and donghyuck wasn't breathing.

"mark, what the hell was that?" taeyong prompted, and donghyuck's world stopped for a lovely second.

/mark/ did that. mark just shoved him. mark just threw him to the /floor/.

and that, wonderful readers, is how donghyuck ended up running out the practice room door, sobbing himself stupid and hoping that one of the receptionists would be on his side. the second he'd started running, he'd heard mark swear so loud it nearly deafened him, and then the older was calling his name, footsteps running behind him. he heard johnny's rather irritated voice call /mark's/ name, but the guy continued to sprint behind him, shouting his name terrifyingly close.

realistically, he knew he was a solid 4 or 5 meters ahead. but everything sounded so close and so distant at the same time, and he couldn't tell if mark was right next to him or all the way back at the practice room. one of their managers shouting something along the lines of 'BOYS!' told him that they were probably pretty close, and that sent donghyuck into panic overdrive, nearly falling over on himself as he slammed the dorm reception open.

"lee-" the receptionist started, not sounding impressed. upon the door slamming open /again/ behind him, he heard her go "lees....?" in confusion, but then it was cut off when he slammed straight into the elevator doors, panic and...

well. /fear/ filling his entire body.

he tried to curl in on himself as best he could, eyes refusing to open themselves as he quite literally cowered into the doors of said elevator, babbling under his breath. he could hear mark's heavy breathing right next to him, and he whimpered, pulling both arms over his head.

"i'msorry, i'm sorry i- i didn't mean to, i'msorryi- i should've- i should've moved, i'msorry, please d-don't hurt me, i-"

he struggled to get a breath in for a moment, and he downright choked when he saw a hand reach out for him, expecting a blow across his head or something.

instead, a pair of arms wrapped around his front, and he was pulled out of his cowering position, and instead into...  
into... mark's... arms.

and mark was crying. proper crying - sobbing into donghyuck's neck, touch so gentle it was barely there. but it was a /hug/, and donghyuck could hear apologies, and suddenly he was crying harder, too, clinging onto the older so tight it was a surprise he didn't choke him. his body was still shaking like an alarm clock, breathing hard, but it was easier, now, face buried in the taller's shoulder, arms wrapped around him in a way so familiar it almost gave him nostalgia.

"MA-"

a pause.

"rk...."

donghyuck just barely made eye contact with a very irritated and out-of-breath looking johnny over mark's shoulder, before cowering again, using the taller as some sort of human shield. mark didn't seem to mind, instead just clinging onto him tighter, pressing the younger's head further into his neck-shoulder juncture.

"i'm so s-sorry, hyuckie." donghyuck heard a whisper, and his whole world crumbled again, legs falling out from underneath him.  
miraculously, he stayed perfectly upright, though. mark's grip on him was strong enough to keep him elevated, and he gently played with the hair on the back of hyuck's neck, whispering apologies continuously.

donghyuck heard johnny sigh, and then he probably pinched the bridge between his eyes.

"you've got some serious explaining to do, mark lee."

\------

donghyuck decided that he much preferred it this way. he decided this with a gentle smile on his face, shyly hiding himself in mark's shoulder as the fans cheered from in front of the stage. he heard the taller laugh, and then a hand was just gently resting in his hair, playing with it absentmindedly.   
that was the same hand that had just been holding his hand hardly 20 seconds ago, even in front of all these people. the shippers went wild for it - it was pretty funny.

in short, mark hadn't intentionaly been trying to hurt donghyuck. not at all. rather, he'd just been a moron, and instead had been trying to hide his feelings from the younger - a rather stupid excuse, if you were to ask johnny. whilst the poor dad had eventually forgiven mark for hurting his youngest son [donghyuck had giggled, snuggling into johnny's side where he'd been pulled into him], he had told him to seriously watch his back, doing a short 'i'm watching you' sign before leaving the room.

they'd worked it out from there. whilst donghyuck was still hurt, mark had promised to make it up to him, and make it up to him he /had/.

he snuggled with him on the couch again. he covered his face in kisses before bed. he held his hand, even in public. he did the typical arm-around-shoulder thing that 'markhyuck' typically did, because they were typical.   
here's the most shocking bit:

he didn't move away when donghyuck jokingly tried to kiss him anymore. 

usually, donghyuck was actually /expecting/ him to move away, so it had caused a couple cheek kisses getting cut out of their videos. and that was almost every video they recorded. the editors were borderline tired of it, but obviously, no one asked them to stop.

donghyuck smiled brighter now. so much brighter, and mark would always give him a quick peck on the lips when he smiled big enough.

"why do you do that?" hyuck had questioned him once, nudging him.

"hm?"

"you kiss me when i'm smiling sometimes. why do you do that?"

"it makes me feel like you're smiling because of me, instead." the older had mumbled in response, and donghyuck's heart had filled with so much love that he'd kissed him right there on the spot, laughing as they pulled apart.

"you're so stupid, markie."

"yeah, yeah." mark snorted, resting his arms on donghyuck's shoulders, humming in thought. the younger tilted his head, waiting.  
".... will you be this stupid's boyfriend, though?"

the noise donghyuck made at that moment was not human. doyoung promptly told him to keep the noise down from outside their shared room, and the maknae giggled almost manically into mark's chest.

"obviously, dumbass."

"god, i've been waiting for you to say that for ages."

they fell asleep happy that night, hand in hand. donghyuck was pretty sure he felt taeyong's lips on his forehead just before he fully drifted away, a finger dusting his cheek.  
"well done, haechannie." he'd whispered, snickering. "sleep well."

he did.  
he really did.


End file.
